Is fear of change keeping you from the life you want?

Friday, January 31, 2014

I stood in the kitchen that Sunday morning and stared hopelessly at the stack of breakfast dishes. It was not yet 9:00a.m. and already I felt sad and exhausted. I couldn’t muster the energy to clean the counter, much less get my family ready and out of the door for church.  The past few months had been exhausting.  Something had to give ... 

Today I am honored to be a guest blogger for Allison Vesterfelt.  I'm sharing about the early days after my husband's accident, and what I had to give up before I could find peace again.  You can read more at  

If you followed the link from Allison's blog, welcome!  You may enjoy reading why I've given up on God's will, what can happen when people are for you, or the best thing my husband did for me last year.  So glad you're here!

on standing in the spotlight

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

I'm terrible under pressure.

When I was in school, I marched in the band.  I love music, and I loved creating something beautiful with so many other people.  On our  own, each person's  movements and notes were meaningless.  But together we made a singular, powerful, inspiring sound.  It was  beautiful.

I loved that.

But I never really excelled in marching band.  I played well, but I was not the star. The reason is simple:  I'm terrible under pressure.  For years I auditioned for honor bands and all-state competitions, and consistently I ranked just one below the cut-off.  Every single time, the melody I played in the practice room would wobble and falter in front of judges.  I quickly realized that nervous energy does not propel me to do my best work.  Instead, it makes me jittery, easily distracted, uncertain.  I just don't perform well under pressure.

This week, I've been under some pressure in my life.  And I hate what it drew out in me.

on bikes, mercy, and drawing lines in the sand

Thursday, January 16, 2014

"Get on your bike."  I say every word slowly, deliberately, digging deep to stay even-keeled when I'm inwardly seething.

He sticks out his tongue.  "No, stupidhead."  He wants to go inside and play in his room  instead.

The little ones are already buckled into the bike trailer, and our lunch is simmering on the stove.  This is my hour.  To burn some energy, enjoy some sunshine, play outside with the kids between schoolwork and naps.  

And I'm wasting it on a showdown with a little boy.

I take a deep breath.  How do I handle this moment?  How do I stay consistent with him and not be held hostage by his attitude?  How do I follow through with consequences in a way that is fair to the rest of the family?

why i'm riding 1,000 miles in 2014

Monday, January 13, 2014

I almost quit before I ever began.
learn more at  

The problem is so big, and I am so small.  There are systemic issues at work here -  religious, psychological, and economic factors that make abuse so powerful and prevalent.  I can't change any of those systems.  And anyway, I'm one person.  Who cares what I do?  It's not like I'm Forrest Gump here, with a crowd of disciples jogging behind me.  Who really cares how far I ride my bike, or why?

And I'm busy, you know?  I'm riding anyway but half the time I don't remember to track the miles, and does it count if I'm making my best guess?

I almost quit, but I couldn't get those cards out of my head.

when you aren't the favorite

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

photo by Jesse
"I like Dad better than you," my son says conversationally, never looking up from his breakfast.

"Oh yeah?"  I respond casually.  "Why is that?"

"Because he takes better care of me than you do."

Now he had my attention.

"Do you really think that's true?"  I say, my tone a little less casual this time.

"Yeah.  He takes me to the bike park and he likes to wrestle and I like him better."

I stand in the kitchen, silent.  Thinking.

something amazing begins today.

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Happy New Year, friends!

Something amazing begins today.  Hello, Darling!, MOPS International's blog, will begin a series featuring moms who are changing the world.  Ordinary mothers who, through their nurturing love and hard work, are doing extraordinary things.

I am honored to have been a part of creating this series, and I can't tell you how excited I am about sharing the stories with you.  The women you will meet are inspiring, humble and hard-working.  They were compelled by love to DO something, and, despite their own family's limitations and obligations, they did it.

You don't want to miss their stories.  Really.

This week you will hear about Jody Landers, co-founder of The Adventure Project.  You can follow Jody's blog here, or read more about The Adventure Project here.  They would love for you to be a part of their work.  One person, doing what she can, gives a woman across the world the power to change her own life.  Amazing.

If you've followed the link from Hello, Darling!, welcome!  We're so glad you stopped by.  You may enjoy reading what I believe kids really need, why I let my children out of my sight, or how I deal with the days when I'd really love a stunt double.  I've also shared why it's okay to let your kids struggle (and why I'm so bad at it) and the importance of loving your choice.

It's a new day, a new year, and I am so excited to be a part of something amazing with you.

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