failing up

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Lately, every time I sit down to write, I stare at a silent screen.
Vulnerability is the birth place of creativity, Brene Brown says, but lately I don’t feel like being vulnerable.
Not here, not online.  Because recently a friend died unexpectedly, and because my kids are communicating a need in their behavior I don’t know how to address, and because I am working hard to talk about more with my husband than grocery lists and how much we have in the account.
I’m vulnerable in a half dozen places right now, and I don’t want to talk about any of them.  So I stare at a silent screen.
I resist because I don’t want to be seen as uncertain.  I can talk about past issues all day long.  New to motherhood?  I’m your woman.  Leaving destructive theology?  Moving across the country?  Pull up a chair.
But reconnecting to your spouse after a difficult season?  Moving out of crisis mode, and accepting the new as normal?  Please don’t bring it up.  How to really hear and respond to what your kids are communicating, and not just react to the slammed door, the relentless whining?  Let’s talk about something else.
I can talk about old issues with you all day long.  Current ones, though, I like to avoid.  Because I want to be the wise one.  The gracious one, the one who has struggled and found her way.  Not the one who still has a long way to go ... 
And don't forget to check back tomorrow for our next installment of Give Peace A Chance, as one of the people I most respect looks at the question, "How can we be peacemakers within the church?"

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